Full disclosure.
I recently realized that I’ve spent a large part of my life in survival mode.
There, I said it. I’ve been in fear of losing a job. Fear of losing a relationship. Fear of not being good enough.
A lot of the decisions I’ve made have been out of fear and anxiety, instead of from a solid foundation of values alignment and goal achievement.
It’s only though personal development work over the last three years, which included establishing (many) boundaries, and a consistent self-care routine, that I’ve started moving from survive to thrive.
Truth: you don’t have to have experienced a life-changing traumatic event to be in survival mode. Even daily stressors, and an overly packed schedule can bring it on.
Here are a Few Signs You’re in Survival Mode
- Hyperarousal – Feeling like you’re emotionally on edge even in situations where there is no danger present. For me this felt like constant tension in my body which left me tired all of the time.
- Avoidance – When I was in a toxic work situation which put me in survival mode, I experienced feelings of self-loathing, exhaustion and overwhelm that caused me to withdraw socially, experience anxiety and sink into a mild depression.
- Emotional numbing – For many years I was disconnected from my emotions, leading to a sense of emptiness or feeling like I was on autopilot. This made it difficult to connect with others and feel joy or pleasure.
- Difficulty concentrating – As a writer and marketer, when I was in survival mode I often felt foggy and scattered, would procrastinate and find it difficult to focus on tasks or make decisions. For years I felt stuck in my career and in my life because I was in such a fog of survival mode and shame that I wasn’t able to step back and objectively see experiences as opportunities for learning and growth.
- Hypervigilance – Whether it was a job or a relationship, I was constantly scanning my environment for potential threats or danger, which was exhausting and led to feelings of paranoia.
If you’ve been in survival for far too long, or more often than you’d like to be, there is a way out. And it doesn’t involve years of therapy. Here are a few habits you can incorporate into your life to transform your life into one of peace and alignment and power, so you can finally stop treading water and become the captain of your ship.
6 Tips for Moving from Survive to Thrive Mode
- Awareness – Being in survival mode is often akin to being in a fog, or like a fish in water. If you have always lived like this, why would you think there could be any different? Normally, when people seek help by embarking on a personal development journey, like I did, or therapy, they have arrived at a breaking point where their way of being is no longer bearable. Through journaling, meditation and other mindful self-compassion exercises you can get more in touch with your feelings. Then you can get to a place where you notice whether or not you are experiencing survival mode symptoms. Speaking with a therapist or support group to process your trauma and work through any underlying issues can be useful as well. This can help you feel less alone and provide you with coping strategies for managing stress.
- Practice Self-Care – Exercise has been my transformational survival-to-thrive elixir. In September 2021, I joined Orange Theory and have made it a habit to do their intense HIIT classes twice a week. To date, no exercise routine has ever made me feel as grounded, confident, hopeful and energized (#notsponsored). It’s what I turn to when I notice symptoms of survival mode creeping in, like overthinking, anxiety and paranoia (which happened today actually), but OT nipped that in the bud within one hour. If you want to start thriving, I highly recommend scheduling exercise, meditation, or hobbies into your week to make you feel more grounded and reduce stress levels.
- Create a Purposeful Routine – Having a strong purpose for your life can focus your efforts and make it easier to stay confidently on course. This helps you stay out of survival mode and reactivity because by default you will find yourself saying no to other people’s requests that are not in alignment with your goals. Establishing a routine that is designed to work up towards your larger goals can help you feel more in control of your life and reduce feelings of overwhelm.
- Practice Mindfulness – Mindfulness techniques, like breathing or body scans, have helped me to stay present in the moment and reduce anxiety. I’ve also gotten into the habit of sensing the emotion I’m experiencing in my body, naming it and being curious about it, then pausing to consider the smartest solution, instead of reacting without thinking.
- Boundaries – Setting boundaries has been a game-changer for me in terms of regaining a sense of control over my life by removing or limiting toxic people and circumstances who drain my time and emotional energy. Doing this regularly—even when I get pushback from people—has catapulted my self-worth and allowed me to redirect the regained positive energy into my most nourishing relationships, my own self-development and my goals.
- Connection – A wise person once said: “Giving love requires courage and receiving love gives you strength.” Humans are social creatures so spending time with friends, family and loved ones is actually essential to our survival, and our social groups can support us along our thriving journey. For me, starting my side business as a pet sitter has been an incredible way to give and receive love, and build relationships with pets and their owners in my community.
The above tips helped me develop a strong foundation of self-worth, solid values and clarity that helped instill in me a growth mindset where I now see all challenges as opportunities and mistakes as learning experiences. There’s no rush. Age doesn’t limit me. If I get lost or head down a road that doesn’t feel right, I can always course-correct. No matter how overwhelmed I get or what crazy curve balls life throws at me, I can step back, problem-solve and come up with a winning solution. That’s real power. That’s thriving.